Puckett Reunion
by TickleWaves
Summary: Sam brings Freddie to her family reunion. Seddie! Sorry suck at summaries. Read and review!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

I'm standing in the small room at the Seattle Community Center, sweating as I punch and kick the punching bag with all my might. Melanie, everyone's dream version of me, is back in town for our family reunion. I hate Melanie. For my whole life it's been Melanie and Samantha (now it's Sam. If anyone except a cop or judge calls me Samantha I'll beat them into next week). Melanie's always the perfect child. She's nice, pretty, and smart and will have the corny dream life people in movies had but it's not realistic.

My mom even made me start doing pageants so I would feel just as pretty as Melanie was. And Melanie had no talent, hehe. But on the inside, I still wasn't like Melanie at all. Everyone who spent at least ten minutes with me knew that. That's probably why they thought I pushed Leanne Carter down at the pageant back when I was seven. People just adored Melanie, everyone did. I didn't like people knowing I had a twin. They always liked Melanie more, and would only call me if they needed to break in somewhere. Lucky for me, Melanie moved with our dad to New York in second grade so Carly didn't even know I had a twin for two years. I thought that if Carly knew about Melanie she wouldn't wanna hang out with me, and just be pen pals with Melanie. But by that time, I was best friends with Carly and figured my best friend needed to know about the girl in New York who looked just like me.

We don't have a family reunion often, but Buzz, Maggie, Garth, Morris, and Carmine just got off parole so we have to celebrate that. And for once in my whole life, none of my family I know is in jail or house arrest. Well my uncle Duke was still on probation, for illegally altering contracts, but nobody's ever said the Pucketts are normal. Maybe we're related to Bonnie or Clyde somehow. What were their last names? Were they real people?

I hear the door open but I ignore it. People that normally come in to use the weight sets know to ignore me and not to come close enough for me or the bag to hit them. I turn around and see Freddie there. Hmm…I must have dorkdar. "Hey Fredderly"

"Hey you okay?"

"Yeah you know I love hitting things. Why are you here?"

"I just back from fencing. Oh and I know about your love for hitting things" he said lifting his sleeve so I could see the huge bruise I left on his arm a couple days ago

"Heh yeah…"

"No but seriously you look like something's wrong with you"

"What?" I laughed. I was fine, perfectly fine.

"Yeah your face it's…it's kinda freaky"

"Your face is always freaky!" I couldn't help making fun of him. When he set himself up for it, that was his own fault. There was nothing wrong with taking advantage of people who were stupid. They had to learn their own mistakes.

He laughed, "Okay I walked into that. But really, is something wrong with you?"

"Yeah, I should've known you'd know something's wrong with me. Wanna know how I know?"

"How?"

"Cuz so much stuff is wrong with you, its second nature to know when oddness is around"

"I should have seen that coming too. So what's up?"

"Nothing"

"You just said something was up" he said stepping closer

"Dude you don't wanna get close to me. For one, I'm sweating like a hog"

"And cuz you'll punch me"

"Yes I will. You'll be knocked down from my fist, the stank bubble around me, or maybe both"

"Come on, you can't stink that bad"

"Oh really? Smell my pit!" I shouted lifting my arm

"Whoa! No thank you!"

"Seriously you smell it?"

"Yeah whoa!" he yelled, holding his nose and stepping backwards

I put my arm down and went to my gym bag against the wall for deodorant and perfume. "Ah here we go!" I said pulling out several deodorants, perfumes, and lotions

"Think you got enough?"

"I dunno, you think I got enough sweat?" I asked lifting my arm

"More than enough" he said airing the air near his nose away

I rubbed the clinical strength first, then the berry mix, then more clinical strength, then orchid smelling. He laughed to himself looking at me put on deodorants, lotions, and perfumes on almost religiously. I threw a little bottle of lotion at him and asked "What?"

"I've just never seen you put on so many perfumes all at once. Actually…I've never seen you put on perfume"

"Well now you have. I'm a girl after all"

"I know you're a girl. You're just not a girly girl worrying if you smell really good"

"Well I stank really badly"

"Yeah you did," he laughed

"Melanie's in town" I said not knowing what else to say but not wanting him to leave for some weird, unknown reason

"Oh really? You're doing the Melanie thing again? You already told me Melanie doesn't exist and you can't trick me" he said sitting across from me

"Okay first of all, I lied to shut you up about the whole thing. Second, Melanie's real, she's in town for a family reunion. Third, I can totally trick you!"

"Prove Melanie's real"

"Alright come on," I said getting up

"Where are we going?" he asked following me outside to wait on a bus

"Puckett Family Reunion"

"I'm going to your family reunion?"  
"My last name's Puckett isn't it?"

"Why am I going with you?"

"Cuz Buzz, Maggie, Garth, Morris, and Carmine just got off parole. And for once no one is arrested or on house arrest. My uncle Duke, the lawyer who got arrested, he's still on probation though"

"Am I gonna be hurt in any way?"

"No, as long as I can help it, you won't be"

"Really?"

"Yeah, I know that if I let you get hurt, not like how I hurt you, but how my family would, your mom would have me arrested. My family would be arrested again too, your mom wouldn't let you see me anymore I bet, we wouldn't be able to do iCarly anymore, and Carly would get mad at me for letting that happen"

"Ah okay. Again, why do I have to go?"

"Cuz Melanie's gonna be there"

"Wow wonder how you're gonna be in two places at once"

"You'll learn Fredward. You know why?"

"Why?"

"Cuz I'm right, I've always been right, I always will be right. Never forget that"

"You haven't always been right"

"I _**let**_ you be right that one time when you were convinced Melanie doesn't exist. But accidentally, I've never been wrong. I always win"

"You have so been wrong"

"I was right about what mpeg stands for, by the way, how was having my lovely face on your arm?"

"Terrible, my mom took me to a tattoo removal doctor, was there for three hours, only to find out that it was fake ink. Then my mom still had my arm tested to make sure your cousin didn't have an infected needle or ink and gave me hepatitis"

"Want another one? I bet Annie will be there"

"No thanks"

"I was right when I told you I could read the Penny Treasure, cover to cover, in a week. I was right when I told you Carly would never love you. I was right about that awful Missy trying to get rid of me. I was right when I said that horrible Valerie tried to get rid of us on iCarly for her stupid webshow"

"I can't believe I dated her"

"She used you, that wasn't really dating"

"Well yeah but still"

"You know what? I looked on her website the other day, it only had that one episode where the TV screwed up and fell on her. The episode had one star, over 300 comments all trashing her, including some from school after they heard she used you and tried to get us to go to her site"

He laughed as we got on the bus to the park. "Ha! She doesn't even deserve one star! What about when you licked the swing set? I was right about that"

"Oh come on, I was eleven, I didn't know swing sets could make me puke for five days" I said as we sat in a seat next to each other

"I was still right. Every time I went to the park when I was little, my mom watched me like a hawk to make sure my mouth didn't get close to anything there"

"Okay one thing"

"What about when you ate that raw meat and got the parasites?"

"I was listening to my growling belly, why would I listen to you?"

"Cuz I offered to buy you something or cook the meat for you if you were so hungry you'd eat raw hamburger meat"

"You did?"

"Yeah you must not have been listening in the hospital when I told you I said that"

"You was at the hospital? I was pretty out of it" I couldn't believe he not only went to the hospital with me, but he offered to cook for me, free of charge. How did I not hear him offer free, cooked, meat?

"Yeah I called 9-1-1 and rode with you to the hospital. I called Spencer and Carly, but they were still in Yakima and couldn't be home for a couple more hours. Then I called my mom and your mom. Then after I was able to see you, I sat beside you and told you I was gonna make you a huge plate of bacon, anyway you like it, except raw"

"I don't think I got the bacon," I said trying to cover my surprise for what he did. Maybe he was lying. Nah, he couldn't lie to save his life. Literally, his inability to lie got us tied to chairs and each other by escaped convicts.

"I'll make you the bacon today"

"Thanks, I want it extra crispy, but not burnt, and moderately greasy"

"Extra crispy, not burnt, moderately greasy, okay I think I got it"

"You better"


	2. Chapter 2

We arrive at the park and walk over to the pavilion where my family is laughing, yelling, cooking, and wrestling. "Wow did your family rent the pavilion? Like pay for it?" he whispered

"Yup, my mom used to date the park manager so she got a discount"

"Hey! Who's this?" my uncle Morris asks coming up to us

"I'm Freddie"

"He's the nubby tech producer on our webshow" I say jokingly

He gives me an annoyed look but blows it off. He probably knows he can't win. "So where's Melanie?"

"She's over there with Maggie," Morris said pointing over to Aunt Maggie

Freddie looked where Morris was pointing and his jaw dropped. "You weren't kidding," he whispered so only I could hear it. My cheek tickled, feeling his breath on my skin

"I told you Melanie's real"

"Someone's blocking my view of Melanie right now. I was talking about Maggie's…chest. You weren't kidding when you said they're ridiculous"

I laughed, holding his elbow so we wouldn't get separated in the crowd "I can't believe you remember that. That was back in like seventh grade wasn't it?"

"Yeah when me and Carly went to spy on Mrs. Briggs"

"Wow…oh by the way, if she starts coughing, don't be in front of her"

"Cuz of the meatball like thing?"

"Exactly. By the way, never say I never did anything for you. I just now did"

"Okay, you're not a complete beast"

I punch his arm gently as we reach Maggie. "Hey Maggie" I say

"Hey Sam! Ain't seen you in awhile!" Maggie said hugging me "Who's this? He ain't a cop is he?"

"No I'm Freddie"

"He's the tech geek on our webshow" I explained, "Have you seen Melanie? She was just here wasn't she?"

"Yeah she went to talk to Carmine. Hey Melanie!"

Melanie walked over, wearing a dark purple short sleeve, knee length flowery dress, and heels. She straightened her hair and put up in that awful girly high ponytail. How can someone who has my genetics look and act like that? It's just wrong."Hey Sam!" she says in that high voice before hugging me

Freddie's jaw dropped, his eyes darting between Melanie and me. "Whoa" he gasps, poking Melanie's arm "She's real"

Melanie and I laugh, each taking one of Freddie's arms, leading him to the drink table. He takes a cup of Peppy Cola and sits down. "Why didn't you just tell me when we first met you had a twin? It's not really that big of a deal meeting someone and finding out they have a twin. But I've known you for almost four years" he asked me

"I don't like being compared to Melanie" I say simply, taking a burger

I spit out the burger in the grass. "Buzz! What did you do to this cow!" I yell to my uncle cooking the burgers. The burger tasted gross like the inside was raw, hadn't been put in the fridge, and it was from a cow with the flu.

"That is grade A beef!" he shouted pointing his spatula at me

"Yeah the grade A's I forge!"

"It's fine!"

"I don't want another parasite Buzz!"

"There ain't any parasites in that burger!"

"I know my meat!"

"Fine, don't eat it!"

"Wanna try it Fredweird?" I ask, holding the half-eaten burger up to his face. I know he won't eat it, but it's always fun to mess with him.

"No thanks" he laughed

"Oh great, now you're turning people on me" Buzz said

"Parasites suck!" I yelled

I picked up a fry and said, "Mm the fries are good!"

"Well at least I can cook something right!" Buzz shouts from the grill

"Mm, here try one," I said stuffing a fry in Freddie's mouth

"Agh hot! Good but hot!" Freddie

I poured ketchup in his mouth and said, "Here ya go"

"Mm that is good, thanks"

"Have some more" I said stuffing a handful of fries in his mouth

He grunted, trying to chew the fries. "They're really good Buzz" he coughs out after he swallows the fries.

I laugh, taking Freddie's Peppy Cola. I chug it, feel my stomach bubble, and burp right in his face.

He frowns, "Sam! Why?"

"Cuz my belly got carbonated, duh. Thought you were smart"

"I thought you were a lady"

I burped again in his face. "Burping contest, right here, right now"

"Bring it on Puckett"

"You know you're gonna lose dude"

"Not now. As much as you don't believe it, I'm a dude. Dudes are naturally good at burping"

"Yeah? So am I"

"You're a dude? Dude hate to tell you" he said leaning in "But dudes don't wear bras," he whispered

I slap him hard on the cheek, "I mean I've been shamelessly burping publicly for almost sixteen years. That's sixteen years of training 24/7. You haven't been allowed to burp publicly because of your manners. If you even burped at all, your mom would freak out about your digestion or whatever"

"Prove it," he said as we poured Peppy Cola in cups.

We sat face to face, chugging the pop rapidly. He burped loudly and I burped back. We continued doing that until Buzz slapped our hands from getting more drinks. "You're hogging all the pop! First you undermine my burgers, now you waste the pop for a competition you know you'll win"

"Hey!" Freddie shouted after he burped straight in my ear

"Oh face it Freddie, Sam always wins"

"You know what undermine means?" I asked

"Yeah Big Mike taught it to me in jail. He had it tattooed on his ass so he'd never forget it"

"Why?" Freddie asked

"Ya never know when it'll come up"

"So he would pull his pants down, moon the people behind him, look on his ass, and read it just to know what undermine means?" I asked disgusted

"Don't question Big Mike" Buzz said

"How are you gonna remember what it means though? It's not on your ass" I asked

"When you see a man's butt with a copy of the dictionary definition tattooed on his butt, you don't forget it"

"I bet" Freddie said before stuffing a fry in my mouth. I slap his knee, pointing to the ketchup. He pours ketchup in my mouth and I give him a thumb's up before asking, "What's so great about Big Mike?" I ask, loving a challenge. Buzz was six feet tall, 250ish or more pounds, but I could handle him.

"He said not to question him," Freddie warned, obviously not liking the idea of an angry Buzz with his spatula. He's a former criminal, was in anger management, is holding a hot oily spatula, and just said not to question Big Mike.

"He taught me everything I know" Buzz said angrily

"Like how to make jank burgers?" I asked

"Back off from my burgers Puckett!"

"You're a Puckett too!"

"Come on, my butt's getting numb" Freddie says pulling me up by my hand "Let's walk around, I wanna meet some more people"

"Don't tell me what to do Benson," I say while trying to get out of his grip on my arm. When the chiz did he turn so strong?

"You told me you'd prevent me getting hurt if you could. I don't like the look of your angry uncle with a hot greasy spatula"

"He wouldn't hurt you. I'm a Puckett, that's what we end up doing when we're together. We argue, fight, and someone gets arrested"

"I don't want you to get hurt either. And if a riot started here, I could get mixed up in it and get hurt"

"I can handle it if I get in a fight with Buzz. If you hear a fight starting, run, and don't call on the cops on me. Oh and if you know where duct tape is, don't tell him!"

"Hey I panicked, it's reflex to call the cops"

"So you gotta tell the convicts you were gonna?"

"Well I've never been around escaped prisoners before. It took me years to get used to you getting arrested"

"Just let me do the talking with escaped prisoners from now on okay? Oh and don't mention that story to my relatives"

"Why? They're all free people right?"

"No but they'll think that if you ever see them doing something illegal, you'll bust them"

"Got it, won't mention the story"

"Sam guess what?" Melanie said coming up to me

"What?"

"Dad's here"

"Dad's here? Like here now?"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

"Yeah he's over there," she said pointing to the parking lot close to the pavilion "He's wanting to see you"

I don't know what to do. My dad hasn't sent me a letter or anything in years. Why is he here now? Why has he suddenly want to reconnect with me? I take a deep breath and told Freddie "Come on"

I can tell he's unsure if I want him to meet my dad. I never even mentioned my dad to him; I guess he just assumed my dad was dead or never really been in my life. But I need support from someone who really knows me and will try to hold me back if I get my fight face on. The nub's sort of grown on me and can stop me from fighting lately. Don't ask how or why, mind your own business."I don't have a good relationship with my dad. It's pretty nonexistent, so can you hold me back if I start looking like I'll fight him?"

"Yeah okay"

I hold his wrist and approach my dad. "Hey" I said nervously

"Hey Sammie" he said hugging me

I hug with one arm and grip Freddie's wrist with my other hand. "What are you doing here?"

"I missed you, I heard about this reunion so I came with Mel. Listen I cleared it with your mom, you and me are going to Nine Ribbons tomorrow at 10"

"What? Dad I have plans. I'm going to the mall tomorrow. Carly has appointments for us to get manicures, pedicures, and haircuts tomorrow"

I didn't really wanna go do all that girly chiz, but she threw in free all you can eat buffet dinner. What can I do? My stomach apparently has a mind of it's own. Plus it's good time away from the world to just hang out with my best friend knowing my belly would be full in a couple hours.

"You can go to the mall some other time. I gotta go in a week, and I haven't seen you in six years"

"It's been seven years Dad. Almost eight actually"

"Well it's been a long time. I want to spend some time with my little girl"

"You could've started working on that for almost eight years. We can't fix eight years worth of stuff in a week"

Freddie moved my hand down to his and squeezed my hand as my dad continued. "Well I'm starting now aren't I? Better late than never"

"That's your answer to everything! Going to anger management after you and Mom split and you wrecked our house and threatened us, you begged Mom to take you back saying 'I went to anger classes baby. Better late than never right?' When the doctor told you about your liver problems so you stayed sober for a month, you said 'I tried, better late than never'. You've missed half of my life! A trip to some roller coasters and some other B.S in a week won't make everything better"

"I'm your father! Don't you talk to me that way!"

Freddie squeezed my hand and shouted, "Lay off! Just leave her alone!"

"Who are you? Don't tell me what to do about my daughter!"

"Freddie don't," I said tugging him back

He ignored me and glared at my dad "I obviously know her better than you. I know she's pissed off and roller coasters won't fix it!"

"Freddie no stop. Let's go," I said wrapping my arms around his shoulders to restrain him

"Who are you to tell me how to raise my damn daughter!"

"I've been her friend for three years and I sure as hell know you don't know her! You didn't raise her! She's already raised and she's a great girl without you!"

"Freddie! Seriously quit! Dad just leave! I don't need you!"

Buzz and Carmine held Dad back and Duke helped hold Freddie back. I never seen Freddie so angry, it was pretty scary actually. I didn't realize how strong he is either. "Freddie cool down, I promised you wouldn't get hurt," I said holding his face and making him look at me.

His face softened looking at me and he said "Alright I'm sorry"

I let go of him and said, "Okay let's go meet some more people"

I could tell he was still mad at my dad so I held his arm leading him far away. We sat down under a tree and I hugged him. "Thanks for doing that"

"No problem"

"Never do it again though"

"No promises"

"Seriously don't," I said looking up at him "He'll hurt you"

"I don't want you to get hurt either"

"I'll be fine. I can handle him. But let's face it, you can't so much"

We sat in silence for a little while before he asked "So where's he been all this time?""New York, he moved there with Melanie when him and my mom split up in second grade. Then Melanie got accepted into some fancy prep school over there. I haven't gotten a letter or anything from him since about a year after he moved there. The letters he sent weren't really letters you know. They were each like half a page saying all the A's Melanie got, her teachers loved her, blah blah blah"

"You're better without him"

"I know, it just sucks not having a dad you know?"

"I know"

"I've never asked, what about your dad?"

"I've never known my dad. My mom got me by a sperm donor. She wanted kids but wouldn't trust someone else with her kids, so she never got married or anything"

"Haven't you wanted to search him?"

"I have but I don't even know his name. I don't know where he is, how old he is, or even if he's alive"

Suddenly, it made sense. That's why I never saw any pictures of his dad, never heard any stories about him, didn't even know his name, or anything. I just always thought his dad died or his parents got divorced and his dad never showed up again. But when his mom told the story about the Fencing Bensons, she said her dad made her fence, so her maiden name was Benson, meaning she never married. Why didn't I think of that before?

"I could help you find him"

"Seriously? How?"

"There's gotta be a way. You didn't just appear from your mom"

"Thanks but I'm fine"

I could tell he was awkward so I patted his knee and said "Come on, you gotta meet more people"

"Alright who's next to meet?"

"Let's see…oh you gotta meet Morris," I said getting up and holding his arm to lead him through the pavilion "Morris! Come here!"

Morris came over and said "Hey Sam, who's this?"

"This is Freddie, the tech geek for my webshow"

"Hey Freddie, you ever been arrested?"

"No"

"Not yet anyway" I said jokingly "I'm corrupting him"

Freddie and me sit on the picnic tabletop while Morris tells the story of his last arrest. I'm zoning out since I've heard this story a zillion times already. I see Dad glaring at me and Freddie, Freddie doesn't see it though. I put Freddie's arm over my shoulder and use him as a pillow. I'm really bored and kind of tired, so I have a genuine excuse. The other reason is just to tick off Dad by showing that I don't need him and the guy that pissed him off is more important than him. I want to show Dad that Freddie cares about me more than he ever did. Another reason I don't know myself. He smells good and is a good pillow. What's better than that?

I close my eyes and start dozing off. I feel Freddie put his arm around me, hold me in place. I 'm too tired to tell him to just lay me down on an empty bench or wherever and let me I see me and Freddie getting married. Duke is the priest marrying us. Spencer is wearing a light green dress with black pants under it and is walking me down the aisle. Turns out, Spencer is also Freddie's best man and one of my bridesmaids. We called him a bridesman. Carly is wearing a man's jacket and tie over her dress because she was one of Freddie's groomsmen and my maid of honor. We called her a groomsmaid I think. Annie, Maggie, and Melanie were also my bridesmaids. Gibby, Shawn, Shane, Buzz, Morris, and Garth were Freddie's groomsmen. Gibby of course was able to not wear a shirt. Me and Freddie honeymooned to Bolivia so we could gorge on their bacon.

(A/N: Sam and Freddie both got out of character a little bit. My bad. More on the way! I gotta rewrite the chapters after this cuz it got REALLY out of character and totally in a different plot. I think the next chapter will be the finish)


	4. Chapter 4

I woke up and was lying on the table by myself. I didn't see Freddie anywhere. Melanie was sitting at the table across from me, texting. She looked up and said "Hey Sam"

"Hey where's Freddito?"

"Over with Garth by the grill"

"He's such a nub"

"Everyone here really likes him"

"That's the weirdest, most ironic thing I've ever heard in my life"

I was expecting my family to start a riot over his geekiness. We Pucketts generally don't like specific features in people: geekiness, morality, lameness, and bad at lying. Freddison has all of that. Then again, so does Carly, but she's an exception. My family doesn't like Carly either, she's too judgmental. Maybe that's it, maybe Freddalupe's not as judgmental.

"Hey where's Mom?" I asked

"She's coming soon, she had to finish breaking in her new bikini"

I gagged, trying to erase images of my bony mom in a too small bikini out of my mind. "Please tell me she's not wearing it here"

"No I convinced her not to. Please don't make fun of her for it"

"Why not? If she doesn't know the bikini is too small, someone gotta tell her"

"It makes her feel good about herself, what's wrong with that?"

"It burns my eyes"

"Its not like she walks around in public like that"

"She would if she could"

Freddie came over, handing me a plate of hotdogs, burgers and ribs. "Here ya go"

I smiled then remembered Buzz. "Did Buzz make this?"

"No I did. And while you were sleeping your mom called, I answered and asked her to buy some bacon on her way over"

"Thanks dorkwad" I said biting into a chicken leg "Omg!" I shouted slapping his shoulder

"What?"

"This is amazing!"

"Why'd you slap me?"

"She gets violent with really good food" Melanie explained

"When aren't you violent?"

I gave him the 'Shut up before I hit you again' look and tried the ribs. "Oh man this is good. You've been holding out on mama!"

"Garth just now taught me how to grill"

"You've never grilled before?"

"Are you kidding me? If my mom knew I even went near a grill or charcoal, she would have a panic attack"

You gotta make me food more often"

"I'm gonna need a small fortune to keep you fed"

Mom came over, wearing a zebra print halter top, black shorts and black flip flops. I silently thanked God and Jesus that she chose not to embarrass me via her wardrobe that day. "Here ya go Freddie. What are you two dating now?"

"Mom no, he just promised me bacon"

"Uh huh sure"

I could see Freddichini blushing. I hoped I wasn't blushing either. "Come on dorkfish, make my bacon!"

"Alright"

When he was out of earshot, Mom and Melanie both got weird smiles on their faces. I threw a rib bone at both of them and asked "What?"

"Oh my gosh, it's so obvious!" Melanie squealed

"What that you have issues with pink and frills?"

"No, Freddie's in love with you!"

"You're insane. Buzz!" I shouted

"What!"

"Did you give Melanie a jank burger! She's talking crazy over here!"

"Hey I haven't cooked since you and your tech boyfriend insulted them!"

"We're not dating!" Fredweird shouted from the grill

"And your burgers were bout to kill me!"

"No they wouldn't! I'm banned from using anything that can kill anyone!"

"When have you ever listened to rules!"

I got up bout to fight Buzz. Freddie ran over and said "Sam Fat Cake!"

I took the fluffy and creamy goodness and ate in a half a second flat. He smiled and went back to my bacon. When he finished, he blotted the bacon slightly and handed it to me. I tasted it and slapped his face. "This is great bacon"

He smiled going back to the grill. "Did I get it right?"

"Yeah you sure you've never grilled before?"

"I'm sure"

I sat on the table next to him, eating hotdogs right after he made them just to annoy him. He just kept grilling until he ran out of hotdogs. He looked down at the table which was supposed to be full of hotdogs and said "What the…how did they…I just…Sam!"

I smiled squirting ketchup in my mouth. "What?"

"Those were full the whole family"

"You gotta learn that with Pucketts, everything is competition. Especially unguarded food"

"Where does Spencer get all that money to feed you? It's not like he has a real job"

"His dad sends him money to pay for his law school tuition"

"He's not in law school anymore"

"His dad doesn't know that. Spencer doesn't want his dad to worry about him when he should be focused on the Navy's safety"

"What about when the time comes for Spencer to graduate?"

"He'll cross that bridge when he comes to it"

"Where does he get money for the apartment's rent?"

"I don't know, Spencer's weird like that"

Morris looked down at the table and said "Lemme guess, Sam was feeling hotdoggy today"

"Yup" I said smiling

"Yeah sorry" Freddie said

"Well Sam I'm feeling hotdoggy today too, so go buy some more"

"If you want em you go get em"

"I'd have em if you didn't take em"

"Dude don't put food in front of me and not expect me to eat it!"

"It's true, she tried eating a bowl of plastic fruit before" Freddie said

"Hey Spencer colored them with your fruit scented markers accordingly. When I see an orange that smells orangey, I'll eat it"

"Uh Sam your mom is bout to jump in the lake"

"So?"

"She's in her bikini"

I turned around and sure enough, there was my blonde, bony, mom in a leopard print bikini two sizes too small. I gasped, about to throw up. "Morris, get my mom in some clothes or you will see the hotdogs again very soon"

"I ain't gonna make your mom angry. She's scary"

There was no way to turn in the pavilion without seeing the lake and risk seeing my mom so I thumped Freddie's head and said "Let's go buy more food. I don't like dealing with hungry Pucketts or my mom trying to ruin my life through outfit choices"

"We'll need money"

I looked over and saw my dad's wallet lying abandoned on a table. I grinned, slipping it in my pocket. Freddie raised his eyebrow at me and whispered "Who's is that?"

"My dad's, he won't mind"

"You sure?"

"Nah he would. But he ain't gonna know I took it and I don't care if he minds"

"I don't care either"

"I'm corrupting you"

He smiled "Eh you've been corrupting me for years now, no problem"

We stood up, and started walking out of the park. I tried tripping him but he tugged me down with him and we rolled down the hill. I laughed landing on top of him. "Ok that failed epicly"

"You got grass in your hair"

I tried to get the grass out but every time I thought I got it all, he said there was more. "Here hold still. I'll get it"

He sat up, turned my head around and started picking grass shavings out of my tangled hair. "Ok I think you got it all"

I stood up and he laughed hysterically "You got...you got grass stains on your butt"

I turned around and sure enough, there was a giant green grass stain on the back of my white shorts. "Oh lovely. Ah well I'll borrow a pair of Melanie's pants"

I started walking back to the pavillion but he asked "Where are you going?"

"Where are you going? I'm going to borrow some of Melanie's pants"

"I thought we were going to your house to get them"

"No Melanie's a prissy weirdo and keeps a backup outfit in her purse"

"How does she fit an outfit in there"

"I don't know, and say anything about the outfit I have to wear and you won't be able to have kids"

"I won't say anything"

I went over to Melanie where she was talking hyperactively to Maggie. "Oh hey Sam! Hi Freddie!" she squealed

Ugh, how could someone who looked so much like me be my complete opposite? How is it we share DNA? Heck, how is it possible she's a Puckett? I really do think she's adopted. She's an alien clone. "Hey can I borrow some pants?"

"Why wanna look good for your man?" Maggie asked

I threw a leftover hotdog bun at Maggie. Freddie said "Sam!"

"We're not dating and even if we were, I wouldn't need to change to look good for the nub. Any dude gotta love me how I am or leave. Anyways, Mel you got some pants or want?"

"All I have is a skirt"

"Ugh Mel!"

"Sorry Sam, they fit easier in the purse. Why do you need pants anyway?"

"I got a grass stain on my ass"

Melanie pulled out a pink ruffly strapless dress from her purse. Fredweird stifled a laugh, obviously rolling around laughing in his head. I glared at him briefly and said "Dude do you not have anything decent?"

"Sorry for not being able to carry a closet in my purse"

I looked over her dress, it wasn't much better than the dress. Hmm...I don't like wearing flowers. But I hate wearing pink even worse. But I look good in ruffles. Ah heck who am I kidding? Mama looks good in _**anything**_. "Alright give me the dress"

"Wait Sam, here wear the shoes" she said handing me silver heels

"Why? It's not like my shoes are ruined"

"Converses don't match the dress. You'll look like an idiot"

"Hey, anybody call me an idiot, I'll knock em into next week"

"I know you will, but you don't wanna walk around with a pretty dress and muddy converses"

I did hate looking like a fashion blind idiot. Ugh Carly must be infecting my brain. "Alright dang it, fine"

"And your hair"

"What's wrong with my hair?"

"It's tangled really badly"

"Fine give me a brush"

I sat on the table, brushing my hair. It could take awhile so I did that first. Fredweird picked up the dress and said "I can't believe you're gonna wear this"

"Dude do you not want kids? Cuz if Carly would consider even dating you seriously, that's a dealbreaker"

"Course I want kids one day"

"Keep making comments about that dress and you won't be able to"

"I'm not insulting you, it's just shocking you'd rather walk around all girly and dressed up than with a grass stain on your butt"

"I'd rather look like a priss than look like I sat in peas"

I finished brushing my hair, grabbed the dress and shoes and went to the bathroom. I changed, dreading how I would look in the mirror. But I looked hot. I felt hot too. I put on a little more lotion and deodorant and went back to the reunion. Fredweird and Melanie were sitting on a table talking. Well Fredweird was on the table, Melanie had to be a goody priss and actually sit on the bench. "Alright Fredweird! Let's go!"

He turned around and his jaw dropped. "Wow...you look great"

I could tell Fredweird was about to drool. He's a sucker for prissy girly girls. "Chill Fredward, don't get all drooley"

He wiped his chin, thinking he actually drooled. I grabbed his wrist, knowing my family would start catcalling like idiots. I had to get us outta there before the taunts about when our wedding is would start. I could see from the corner of my eye that he was still staring at me like I was the newest high speed processor not due to be on the market for 2 weeks but he somehow got it. Yeah that's right, I know a lil bit of techy talk. I think he's poisoning my brain.

We walked down to the grocery store and I headed straight to the meat aisle while Fredward got the hotdogs and buns. While I was looking at all the wonderful meat begging for me to eat, a tall guy with black hair and blue eyes came up to me. "Hey"

"Hi random dude. Guess what?"

"What?"

"Either buy me all this meat then go far away or leave in 5 seconds"

"Why be so hostile?"

I tuned him out while he tried to flirt and I silently said "In five, four, three, two..." and when I was supposed to say one in my head, I kicked him in between the legs. He fell on the ground, groaning. "Agh!"

Freddie ran over, stepping over the dude curled into a ball. "Sam what'd he do?"

"What'd I do? What'd I do! **She's** the one who kicked my nuts!"

"Yeah again, what'd he do?" he kneeled beside the dude and said "Look, the dress is misleading right now. But she's the most randomly striking violence person I've ever known"

"Obviously! Wish ya told me that before I did whatever I did!"

"What'd he do? Steal your meat?"

"No he tried flirting with me"

Freddie scoffed and patted the dude's shoulder "You're a brave soul"

I laughed and pulled Freddachini up, walking away. "Come on let's go pay"

"You know there's like 200 bucks in here"

"Oh man my dad's an idiot! Ya never leave that much wad of cash around former criminals"

"Come on Princess Puckett, go pick out as much meat as your dad can afford"

I dragged his wrist, running across the store back to the meat aisle. The dude crawled away and a custodian gave him a pack of ice for his pain. We bought the full 200 dollars worth and Fredweird paid for a 4 foot long beef jerky stick I wanted. We carried the bags to the street, sat on a bench while Fredweird hailed a taxi. We loaded the groceries in the truck and sat in the back. I gnawed on the beef jerky stick, feeling like I died and went to heaven. His phone rang and he picked up the call. "Hello...yeah we're in a taxi on our way back. Oh really? Oh wow is everyone okay? Okay that's good. So you don't need the food now? Okay hold on I'll ask" he turned to me and said "Hey Sam, all the charcoal fell in the lake so they can't grill anymore. You wanna just take the food back to your house?""Duh!"

He smiled and went back to his phone call "Ok we'll take it back to her house. I gotta get my bag though. Oh you will? Alright thanks. Bring Sam's stuff too. Thanks bye Melanie"

I tapped the driver's shoulder and said "Hey can you take us to 403 Hurver Street instead?"

"Alright I can do that"

"What'd Melanie want?"

"To tell us Duke and Garth got in a wrestling match, knocked the charcoal bag down the hill and into the lake so the grillings off. She'll bring our bags back to your house when she comes home"

When we got to my house, as soon as we got to my yard, Frothy attacked Freddie. I laughed, and said "Frothy relax"

Frothy retracted his claws, and curled over Freddie's shoulder purring. Freddie looked at me and asked "What the heck?"

"Sorry I trained him to guard my house. Don't worry, you can pet him now. He won't attack you again"

He petted Frothy, holding him up. Frothy purred, rubbing his skin with his claws gently. We walked in my house, carrying the groceries. I sat on the couch, watching TV while Fredweird picked up the groceries he dropped when Frothy attacked him. He sat next to me on the couch and picked up a photo album. Oh chiz. "Nope don't look at that!"

"Why? I won't tell anyone about the pictures or spread them around. I'm curious about your little baby pictures"

"Dude"

"You've seen my potty training videos and pictures of me in the bathtub from birth to age three. I wanna be close to being even with you"

"Fine but speak of this to no one"

"I promise"

I leaned closer, prepared to steal the album if an unexpected picture of me in the bathtub or doing something particularly embarrassing popped up. He smiled "Aw Sam and Melanie's first day of school!"

A picture of me with a frown on my face, hair painfully brushed into a perfect half ponytail, carrying a camo bookbag in front of my house. Melanie was next to me, smiling, her hair in a perky ponytail, wearing head to toe pink. She was trying to hug me that day, but I pushed her off. I pushed him to lie on the couch and I lied my head on his chest. "Whoa your first pageant" he said looking at a picture of me, wearing a blue sparkly dress, makeup too heavy for a 4 year old, my hair put up with an ungodly amount of hairspray, and heels that killed my feet for months. I could feel his heartbeat get faster. I looked up and flicked his nose. "Fredward you're a freak"

"Yeah you tell me that everyday"

"No I mean I can feel your heartbeat get faster. Why is it that's happening when you're looking at baby pictures of me? Are you a pedophile?"

"No of course not"

"Then why's your heartbeat fast?"

"You smell really good and your leg is rubbing mine"

I blushed and moved my legs away from his as much as possible. "Don't get any ideas Benson"

"I'm not, I'm just wondering why this is the second time today you've used me as a pillow"

"I'm lazy, tired, and you're comfy"

"I'm comfy?"

"Yeah not bony, not too squishy and gross, not hairy, not smelly"

He smiled and said "I didn't know you danced"

I looked and saw a picture of me in a pink ballet leotard, doing a grand jete on the stage. "Yeah I did ballet, tap, jazz, and a little salsa. But I only did it for pageants so don't ask"

"Aw okay"

I fell asleep, feeling him put the book down and put his head on top of mine. I had a dream that me and Freddie had twin boys, a daughter, four dogs, and I was pregnant with triplets. That was a weird dream. It felt so real, I actually thought my back ached, my feet were swollen from pregnancy, and I was lactating. The kids acted just like me, I guess I corrupt everyone I'm around too long. When I woke up, Freddie was still asleep, snoring softly. Melanie was sitting in an armchair smiling at us. I glared, gently taking off one of Freddies shoes and tossing it at her knees. "What you looking at?"

"You guys are the cutest couple"

"Shut up, we're not a couple"

"Are ya sure? This is the second time today you used him for a pillow for a nap"

"Is it my fault he's so comfy?"

"No but you could've gone to your room to nap. There's plenty of pillows in there and he wouldn't bother you in there"

"How long have you been here?"

"About twenty minutes"

"You've been watching us sleep for twenty minutes?"

"It's just so cute. Aw look it looks like he's trying to cuddle with you"

I looked at him and saw his arms tightly around my waist, his cheek on my hair, his feet twisted with mine. I smiled and lied back down. "Shut up Melanie"

"Why? It's so cute how in love with you he is"

"He's not in love with me"

"He spent all day with our family and I bet he would spend much longer with all of them if he could. Why exactly did he come to the reunion in the first place?"

"To meet you and try to prove I'm not always right"

"Well he met me hours ago. Why didn't he leave then?"

"I don't know"

"Why didn't you tell him to leave"

"I don't know, shut up"

"Why won't you just admit you love him too?""Because I don't love him"

"Yeah you do. It's great"

I tried to sit back up but Freddie pulled me back down and pressed me to his chest. I tugged my dress down so my butt wasn't exposed and looked up at the ceiling. Why did it feel so right to be lying with him? He's a nub, I'm a Puckett, Pucketts and nubs don't mix. I fell back asleep, rubbing his arm. When I woke up again, he was cooking fried chicken. "Ooh mama smells chicken!"

"Hey you're up just in time. Duke got some fireworks and is gonna light them soon"

"Cool whats the chicken for?"

"You're after nap snack. Melanie and your mom said you're usually hungry after a nap"

"Very true"

He handed me a plate of bacon he already made and said "They're outside sitting on your trampoline"

"Thanks dork"

I took my bacon and went outside to the yard. Everyone stopped talking, stared and wolf whistled. Oh joy, someone blabbed that I took a nap with Freddie. It was perfectly innocent. Heh ever tried convincing anyone in my family of something other than something they believed? Of course you haven't, it's impossible.

**(A/N sorry for the cliffie. I said earlier Chapter 4 would probably be the last chapter. But this one got too long. One more!)**


	5. Chapter 5

I flipped off my family and sat down next to Annie. "Sup Annie. Where were ya at the reunion?"

"Eh I got there late. So where's this boyfriend of yours I've heard about"

"He's not my boyfriend! He's just the tech nub on iCarly"

"Uh huh sure. Why has he hung around us all day then? Not even our parole officers will do that"

"Because he's a nub and I corrupted him"

Speak of the devil, Frednub came out of the house, bringing me more fried chicken. "Here ya go"

I tasted the chicken and slapped Freddork so hard he fell off the trampoline. He groaned and shouted "Sam! What the heck?"

"You been holding out on me! You could've been cooking for me for years!"

"I told you, my mom won't let me!"

"She's a crazy woman and wants you to be unhappy"

"How does she want me to be unhappy?"

"Think about it. If you cook for me, I will be happy and less likely to cause you pain"

"But every time I cook something new for you, you slap the chiz out of me. If I don't cook anything new, you'll eventually get bored and mad"

"Eh you gotta toughen up Benson"

He sat up on the trampoline with me, stole a piece of chicken from my plate and asked "And why is that?"

I scowled and smacked him. "Because, you're gonna need it if you take my food"

"Try me Puckett"

I smirked and pushed him. He caught my arms and stayed level. I pushed harder and he laughed, picking me up. I scowled and tossed myself off the trampoline, flipping in the air so I landed on top of him. I know it was a crazy and risky attempt, but it worked. He groaned "Ok you win. I surrender"

"You know you can't beat Mama"

"No I know that anyone who would throw themselves to the ground just to hurt their opponent in the process is crazy and won't stop until I'm in the hospital"

"Smart boy"

"Hey when you guys are done with foreplay, you might wanna watch our fireworks"

"Foreplay?" Freddie shouted

"Freddork, chill. They're kidding" I laughed before leaning over to him to whisper "I'm getting them back later anyway"

"How?"

"You don't need to know"

"I wanna know"

"No you don't"

"Yeah I do"

"Come on, tell me"

"I'm still working out a plan ok?"

"Alright"

"I'll be back, I'm going to go change"

I rushed into my room and changed into my baggy Jackson Colt t-shirt and gray sweatpants. I got a throw blanket from the living room and a Peppy Cola for the nub, figuring he's got to be too nubbish to fix being cold. He would rather sit in the cold, dying of thirst, than ask someone if he can get a blanket. As for the Peppy Cola, what I can't be nice now and again?

I went to the kitchen window and heard my obnoxious (and probably drunk) uncles laughing. I saw Freddie was with them, laughing too. I couldn't help spying on them to see who was corrupting who, Freddie with his geekiness or my uncles with their police record. Ah it's too bad I couldn't hear their conversation. Now that would've been great blackmail material.

I exited my house, grabbed Freddie's arm and plopped down on the ground in front of my family. He sat beside me and whispered "Why are we on the ground?"

I leaned in, whispering, "It got crowded on the trampoline. And this way, we'll have a perfect view"

The fireworks were lit, lighting up the skyline. I offered Freddie the blanket. He smiled and put it over his shoulders. He held out the rest of it and silently offered it. I smiled and scooted closer so we could fit under it. He put his arm over my shoulder, drinking his Peppy Cola. I lied my head on his shoulder and saw him smile widely.

I looked up at him and he looked at me. He smiled and leaned his head closer to mine. I smiled and leaned up, shocked that I actually wanted to kiss him. We closed our eyes and I put my hands on his shoulders. Suddenly, a loud ringing and beeping sound forced us apart. He rolled his eyes and muttered "It's my mom"

"Of course so"

He stood up and walked to the driveway, ignoring my family's hollering. I smacked Garth and hissed "It's his crazy, overprotective mother. Shut up!"

When Freddie hung up the phone, he sat on the porch steps with his face in his hands. I walked over and sat next to him. I nudged his arm and said "Hey"

He looked up and said "Hey"

"What's up?"

"My mom was freaking out wondering where I was. I told her I'm at your house. She can see the fireworks, knows that we're close to them, and she's coming to pick me up so I won't be burned by a firework"

"But they're done and we're just as close as we are when we watch them on the Fourth of July"

"She still freaks out on the Fourth of July. Every year I tell her I'm at Gibby's playing checkers"

"Ok so why do you look so down?"

He scoffed and muttered "I think you know why"

"If I did, I wouldn't have asked"

He stood up, turning away from me. "I just made a fool of myself Sam and you're acting like it's no big deal"

"Um okay? So should I make a PSA for Seattle on however you embarrassed yourself? You know, I can humiliate people really well but it's hard to do when I don't know how they'll be embarrassed"

He scoffed and snipped back, "Never mind. Forget it"

My mouth dropped and I stepped in front of him, holding him still. "What? What are you so peeved about?"

"Nothing!"

"Yeah you are! Tell me! We haven't fought all day and when we finally do, you won't tell me what it's about!"

He stepped closer and whispered, "I almost kissed you Sam. I would've if my mom hadn't interrupted". He sighed and whispered even more quietly, "I like you Sam. A lot. I…I love you"

My mouth dropped, and for once, I was speechless. Freddie sighed and stepped back. "But I'm just a tech nub"

His mom's silver Prius pulled in the driveway, honking it's horn. "Freddie! Oh thank goodness you're ok! You're not burned are you?" his freakish mom shrieked

Freddie rolled his eyes and hugged her "Yes mom I'm ok. No one was going to get burned"

"Oh thank goodness. You could've…oh hello" she said, looking up and seeing my entire family gathered on the trampoline "Who are these people?" she whispered but still not quietly enough

"Mom, this is Sam's family"

"Oh well. Oh my goodness, Sam, you look wonderful!"

I looked up, expecting to see her smiling at me, but no. She was looking at Melanie and didn't even notice me. "Hey crazy! I'm over here!" I shouted

"What on Earth?"

Melanie smiled and said "I'm her twin Melanie"

"Since when do you have a twin?"

"Uh basically my whole life. You know almost 16 years"

His mom rolled her eyes and pushed Freddie towards her car, making him get in and put on his seatbelt. I looked at Freddie, trying to somehow signal something to him. Any kind of signal. Just something so he would feel better. Something so he would know that…I kind of…maybe…love him too. I'm not a sentimental, mushy, or romantic type of girl so I won't say anything definite. I'm just saying, I might have a thing for the geek.

He looked back and I could see the sadness in his eyes. Oops, I guess my signal didn't get through. I bent my head down and texted him saying "Hey. Look back at me. I'm tryin to tell you visually that I don't hate you at all"

He texted back saying, "Wow. After I told you that I love you and it was the most heart bearing and scariest moment of my life, I wasn't expecting something as heartfelt as 'I don't hate you at all'"

I rolled my eyes and replied "Dude, I'm new at this. Give me a break"

"Say what I should 'give you a break' over. Tell me what you're trying to say"

"I'm not a sentimental or romantic girl, so I don't want to tell you all that romantic and gushy chiz. I don't know if I love you. I do like you though and it'd be cool to hang out just us sometime"

"J I'll take it Puckett. You wanna go see the new Will Smith movie this weekend?"

"Only if you're buying"

"Buy your own ticket and I'll pay for the snacks"

"You pay for all of it"

"Nope. You pay for 75% of your ticket"

"Who would work out that type of math for a $7.75 ticket?"

"You pay half of your ticket"

"Fine"

"See ya then Puckett"

"Later Benson"

I smiled and put down my phone to bug Buzz into making me some more fries. Those fries may be made by a man who can't make meat to save his life, but these fries are the chiz. At least until I can convince my nub of a boyfriend to make me some.


End file.
